Looking at the past ... its been a year since then ...

Yay !

Its been more than a year I re-started writing something ... and I am re-re-starting now ... surely, I was either too busy or got bored of this writing asap ... second choice seems more morally correct ... (morality is good only upto a certain level... e.g. Israel cannot, sure as heavens, declare why and what it attacked Syria for - try teach them doctoral levels of morality !!)

As promised (to myself), I am looking back ... back the post I wrote about a year ago ... boy oh' boy, I was in trouble ... no funding - thats fine ! ... no GTF - thats fine too !! ... but no research of my liking !!??!? hurts as deep as Grand canyon ...

I fumbled, fainted, cried, laughed the laughters of sarcasm for those stupid comments of "you-should-have-done-a-simpler-project-to-score-more-points" bullshit but none-the-less carried myself out of that door, closed it behind me and never knocked again ... I had learnt my lessons ... and the lesson was a simple one ... dont get depressed if you run out of doors to knock ... you can always exit the building and go to the next ... many of us dont even realise (at least I didn't, at first) that doors end only if you think of a building you are in ... you can always knock on the main door, get the hell out of that bulding and knock knock the other one ... there always is a plathora of doors in the next building ... save you get out of the first ... I did ... and I feel good ...

I cant write a whole yeat in my blog ... (0r can I .. ) ... but in any case I won't ... because nothing has changed since then ... I am still craving for a better future and present seems a bit cranky ... never mind though because I still have enough left to crave for better ... craving has become way too easier because of that hand I can hold for eternity ... so many people and things cheer me up ... things like this:

if things fail to move on as you had wished, they would move on as God wishes those to ...

Cheers ! (to me)

Yet sometimes... !

Yet sometimes I feel I am not able to face crunch times... and here stands one... right in my face and I am to face it regardless of I can or can not… !

Being in the states was so easy till today that I have almost forgotten pushing things at the moment… it doesn’t mean I didn’t not face time pressures through these couple years… I did… extreme time pressures at times… had to make decisions of my (Masters’) lifetime in 80 odd minutes and I surely survived it… but it had a purpose… purpose to survive… I knew things were going to be relatively simple once I made my decisions… now is as different case… things are so vague even in almost immediate future that I am finding it thoroughly difficult to face these crunches… And I keep on wondering if things are really difficult by themselves or is it rather Me who’s crafting pressures upon myself in view of simple things viewed complicated… !!

I don’t remember feeling the same way till today… But somehow I know I have to get through these as I did in the past… Somehow feel I did have a similar feeling… I once read somewhere that you don’t remember your barbed past once you cross the fence… because your past never looks difficult to you compared to the future… that’s a difference between challenges lying ahead and goals fulfilled in the past. 10th Std Board exams never feel difficult when you appear for 12th Std Board exams and 12th Std exams are undemanding immeasurably when AppMech is faced… that’s the beauty of life… At every step of that beauty, you face a wall that’s thorny from the approach and facile after negotiating over… And I hope it the same approach’s view that I am seeing now… I should have been tattooing on my shoulders the feelings that I had when I faced walls from the past as _______ does in _______ .

Wish I had some way to convince myself that the feeling is nothing but life that I have lived along that lead me to where I am… Wish I had some way to convince myself that I can do it and when I do, it all starts looking wonderful as my past is… !!!

Sometimes...

At times, I feel, being a cold hearted keeps you weeping for memories.. 'Cause memories, good or ghastly, make you shed tears especially when you are unaccompanied.. well, not exactly " shed tears ", but definitely make you gloomy.. I believe good memories are to be cherished (I keep on telling this to a friend of mine !).. But once in a while, I (being a Human!) dont tempt to tag along with it..

When I remember those Punyatale raste I used to ride my bike on.. those hangouts I used to spend time at.. those Wada-paavs with extra chutney and chaha's with a kami doodh.. those Tekdi's I used to climb (and try climbing in a single Go and never ever happened so.. :D ).. friends, Durga, Belya, cricket, football, vivas, practicals, mass-bunks, proxies and scores of others.. Cherishable definitely!! .. But the mere fact that I am not (and I won't be) enjoying that part of life again makes me feel down for a moment or so.. And I truly hate that moment..

I can see only one solution to it.. "dont think about it when it starts catching a wrong nerve!" .. Not that I hate thinking about my arresting past.. but I keep away from it.. on purpose.. to make sure that I don't feel my present is not that beautiful.. I understand it is not (Except for some half a dozen 'exceptional' things! ).. But I want to pretend it is.. becuase thats the only way I insinuate to make my future as beautiful as my past..

Sometimes A cold heart ..

Thoughts !

And it begins to rain in here.. they ask for money.. so do I.. and codes with curley brackets..

some without raincoats.. excitement begins for the date.. new flowers to bloom..

A or A+ .. गणपती यायची पण वेळ झाली.. red colors in sky.. death of this dry heat.. for i=0, i++ : All roads are always wet and slippery..

and I always trust her to hold my hand..

i < infinity .......

Reason to keep ' the one you know who ' alive and missing !

The whole damn country (including the deserts and mountains) was bombed and burnt... but still ' The one you know who' escaped... he still makes video tapes and such a promoter of his own videos he is, that he sends those to market for Free!!! …

' The one you know who ' has masterminded thrillers so capable of captivating the world that even M Night Shyamalan and Quentin Tarantino would fail to create better ones together… and its not even a fiction or a fantasy… Most of the world (with kind of similar people like me) doesn’t want to see his no thrillers, not action movies… we don’t want to watch his video tapes and don’t want to listen to his pronouncements… the world just wants him eliminated, period !

But then the question is… why is he still alive… is he really alive… is it a failure of those flying warships to bombard that whole (empty) country and still miss the most prominent Gory Thriller Director they were aiming for ?

I don’t think so…

I am always tempted to think that he is still alive because a few really really really influential communities (like Politicians !!) want him so… cause every other Drama that takes place on the face of the humanism, gets linked to him… one way or the other… but the real route that drama follows is not a direct one but through someplace else… that’s not his own…

the ‘ Place ’ never identifies ' The one you know who ' its own, and claims him an unfriendly, hostile verity… claims that its trying to get him with all its forces and powers and fighting to stop his evil thrillers… (And obviously never gets it!) … Why? The reason’s too obvious… the Place is itself behind it… if ' The one you know who ' is the Director, ‘ The Place ’ is the Producer… But it won’t admit it… Neither the strong Community that I just mentioned… They just need ' The one you know who ' to cover up for ‘ The Place ’ … I doubt if ' The one you know who ' even is alive…!! But he ain’t dead for sure because he has to take all the blames even if he ain’t responsible…

After all, every dirty thing has got to round up at Politics… because even though all 26 arrested were of Pakistani (The Place) origin, Pakistan claims it helped unearth the plot (bullshit..) Who do they blame, then ?? The answer is too simple… ' The one you know who ' … !!!

When would the world ever see the reality… When would the world be rejecting these make-believe acts… Would this dirty Politics be ever purged? Would ‘ The one you know who ’ be eradicated once for all and others exposed?? Stay tuned to CNN and you might face the virtuality…

सांगू कसे हे दुःख मी माझे
न शब्द पुरते पडती या व्यथांना
व्याप किती ते बघता गगनाचा
गिनले का कोणी, त्या तारकांना

Amazing(ly crazy) Americans !

Since when I landed in the United State of America (with an almost fake smile verbalizing ‘Welcome to the United States’), I have always wondered about how amazing there Americans are… And about a common tendency always seen in any average American: to leave on the edges of everything…!

I have seldom seen a normalized or averaged pattern of behavior of these people around… I don’t mean to judge good’s and bad’s by saying that, but it’s most certainly extraño… whatever these people tend to achieve, either the goals are abnormal or the means to achieve those are…!

Abundance of everything is probably the best explanation for the facts above… and that’s the same explanation for why these people tend to extremities… when it comes to buying cars, they detest small cars… what everyone wishes for is a monster truck… when it comes to buying clothes, boys don’t wear pink/red/orange like flashy colors and girls don’t prefer the rest… and if someone (like me!) puts on any of those colors unknowingly, people don’t tend to think of this ‘unknowingly’ factor but rather prefer to conclude about extreme sexual orientation of the one… crazy !!

People here don’t often tend to visit their families throughout the year except on Thanksgiving Day… and on that specific day, every person in this country gets crazy to meet his/her family… I don’t understand why do they have to have a special day to meet families… any other day is as good as a Thanksgiving Day… but still that’s the only day most of the parents get to see their children… crazy !!

Sports… and there is no end to this list if we start making “crazy!!” notes on… Supposedly these people don’t tend to enjoy sports which are universally accepted… and more importantly, which look like Sports and not Battles… cause what is appreciated in a game here is not skills or reflexes or anything that goes with a typical sport, but only muscle… So many times I have heard that cricket, soccer, tennis are no-games because people don’t prove their muscles there…! … These people would probably start liking Soccer if Zidane and Figo start kicking each other in balls instead of a soccer ball and penalties are agreed only if one of the players lies unconscious... As crazy as it gets !!

Moral of the story is that this nation has grown extreme in everything… extreme science, extreme cars, extreme sports, extreme machines, extreme culture… there are obviously no good’s and bad’s as I said that can be judges by an outsider like me… more importantly because these extreme habits have often proved survival instincts for them in history… Abundance of resources has always proven to be a root and support to their extreme manners cause its not what they have but they enjoy constitutes the abundance… !

I agree, finally !

And it took me a day at work plus a whole weekend to make up my mind and say No... Really, its always Heros who make Great stories and not the stories that make Great Heros...